I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
