i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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