i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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