there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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