Porn is love you can see.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
