Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
