well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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