Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Randomize
