I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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