you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
