You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
