umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize
