I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
