I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
