whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
