Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
