I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
