but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
