it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
