Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
