So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
