Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
