Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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