i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Plan B is the new Plan A
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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