drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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