I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
