Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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