pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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