It's like God shit irony all over that family
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
