I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
