He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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