Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
