You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
