Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
