Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
