I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We have started to decorate penises.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
