i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
