he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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