i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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