The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
