you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
