I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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