I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
