my mouth tastes like poor choices
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
