Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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