My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
