i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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