So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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