remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
