If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We left the knife in your bed.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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