I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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