The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
