this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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