So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
